


Daybreak (Rae's POV)

by Darling_Diver



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 07:25:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2573114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darling_Diver/pseuds/Darling_Diver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Synopsis: One-shot set between “Touched” (S1XE2) and “Ladies and Gentlemen” (S1XE3), the morning after Rae fantasizes about Finn, reaching the orgasm gateway, and before the gang meets for Chloe’s sports match. Rae wakes up early, after a dream brought on by the night before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daybreak (Rae's POV)

Rae stared at the ceiling, drumming her fingers on the plush duvet draped from her chest over the bottom of the bed. Light crept along the far wall, up to where it met the ceiling. The dull antiquated wallpaper, with clusters of animated pigs, bears and dolls provided a stark contrast to the vibrant Oasis, Black Hand Laser Band, and Stone Roses posters scattered across her view. She had been awake for hours, unable to force her mind to stop tumbling thoughts like wet clothes in a dryer. The light slowly migrated, highlighting different colors on the posters and wallpaper, reminding Rae of the middle ground between child and adulthood that now characterized her life. 

Breaking through the orgasm gateway the night before was exhilarating, but what came after was confusing to say the least. In an endorphin induced state of relaxation, Rae had fallen asleep peacefully mere hours earlier. She recalled how warm and cozy the world seemed, as tiny pinpricks of light danced against the back of her eyelids like stars in the night sky while her mind drifted off into the dark of unconsciousness. She wasn’t sure when it started or how long it went on for, but at some point her brain turned the comforting darkness turned into day. 

Rae and Finn sat next to each other in a field, surrounded by stacks of records and a player littering the ground. A record spun, permeating the air with music, but she couldn’t exactly place the song or band. Her hand brushed along the duvet on the ground, the pink cartoon face of a frolicking Care Bear peering up from between her legs.  _Tell him this isn’t your duvet._ For a split second, panic rose in Rae’s throat at the thought of him knowing this was the cover from her bed. “This is my Care Bear.” The words came out, obliterating her unease. _What the fuck?_

Rae studied the side of Finn’s face, jaw flexing as he examined a vinyl sleeve before flipping it into the surrounding grass. His eyes traveled over the duvet and up her body, finally resting on Rae’s eyes. “I love Care Bears.” She watched his fingers dance across the fabric, tracing the cloud just beneath the cartoon character’s feet. The intentionality of the movement caused Rae’s nerves to tingle.  _I want him to run his fingers over my body like that._  

As if he heard her, Finn’s fingers found hers. He teased their fingertips against each other before moving his up the back of her hand. A bright yellow star with an approving smile looked on from next to her palm on the duvet. Rae smirked, dropping her head and studying her lap.  _He doesn’t think I’m ridiculous?_  A calming sense of security overrode everything else.  _He doesn’t think I’m ridiculous._ Finn’s fingers continued exploring her hand, making their way to stroke the delicate skin on the inside of her wrist. He lay down, nudging her to move over so they could be parallel to each other. Rae obliged, flattening her lips together and closing her eyes. The temperature was perfect, wind gently blowing across her face while the sun blurred out details of the sky above them. Rae simultaneously wanted to articulate her overwhelming feelings of happiness and peace, while staying silent to not spoil the moment. She decided laying next to each other was enough, hands wrapped together. He chucked softly, “You have the superior taste in music.” 

Rae lifted a free hand, shielding her eyes from the sun and looking at Finn. “What’d you say?”

Without warning, daylight faded to black as she opened her eyes to see the ceiling above her devoid of color or life. Rae scrunched her nose, a sense of loss creeping into her chest. “Fuck!”  _It wasn’t real._ She pulled the duvet over her head, inviting sleep back so she could return to the field with Finn. Her conscious mind explored the dream, as if unearthing unknown treasures. Rae’s heart rate picked up and she licked her lips at the thought of how delicious the familiarity with him had been.  _Calm down. Go back to sleep._  She lay still, willing herself to relax.  _Not working._

Once daylight broke through her window, Rae gave up.  _It’s useless._ She went from being sad to angry, the loss of laying next to someone who touched and silently understood her stinging.  _Ms. Dewhurst probably had dreams like that, where someone wanted to be with her. I wonder how many she’s had in her life. Just like her, maybe I’ll never be touched. I’ll just dream and wake-up to know it was never real. Shit._ Flicking her eyes to the bedside clock, she sighed.  _6:12. Too early to get up._ Rae reached for the book on the nightstand.  _Cesar’s Last Love._ She flipped to the last page she’d read before drifting off into her fantasies the night before. Reading a single sentence, Rae was dissatisfied and chucked the book to the floor. 

“Bloody brain, what is wrong with you?” Rae pushed her palms into her forehead, rolling her eyes shut. Fantasizing was one thing, but dreaming was entirely different. Orgasming to the thought of Finn touching her had been satisfying enough, but she couldn’t sort out why her mind carried on creating such a vivid imagining of being with him after she went to sleep. _Holding hands for fucks sake. Why not something more naughty?_ She shook her head. _Dreaming is the closest I’ll ever get to Finn touching me._ Her mind was riddled with dissatisfaction. She pushed her hands into the bed, balling them into fists.  _I don’t want to be like Ms. Dewhurst._ The vision of looking at the old woman through her window struck Rae as if it were a mirror.  _I’m not Ms. Dewhurst._  She threw the duvet off, sitting up and glancing at the clock again.  _7:03._

She stood, pulling the night shirt off over her head. Picking up her bra, Rae got dressed. She was due to meet the gang in a few hours at the fields for one of Chloe’s games. Studying herself in the mirror, Rae pulled a t-shirt down over the waist of her skirt and leggings.  _No one will ever want you._ Rae’s eyes traveled, just as Finn’s had in her dream, over her form. She could recall his warm and approving expression as if it had been real.  _Don’t be ridiculous. It didn’t happen. He’s a prick._ She huffed, grabbing her leather jacket perched precariously on the side of the standing mirror by her door and heading downstairs. 

Passing time was never a problem for Rae, but the general sense of unease hovering over her after the dream made it unusually difficult. She ate breakfast, mindlessly watched morning news, and eagerly excused herself from the house once Linda and Karim came downstairs. Rae stopped to get a brew before ambling towards the fields, still ending up there half an hour early. She stared out at the green space before settling herself on the third row of the concrete stands.  _This is likely the only time being at school isn’t a nightmare. No one here is the only way it’s bearable._ Taking out her diary, Rae pushed a pen into the paper to write. Her mind vacillated between childhood memories of playing with Chloe and her dream.  

_When you’ve lived in someone’s shadow for a long time, you kind of get used to it. You have to, especially when it’s someone so perfect and beautiful. You accept that some birds are high flying birds and other birds are not, but that doesn’t mean they can’t fly together._

Footsteps interrupted the flow of her thoughts to the page. Rae looked up to see Archie approaching. He plopped down on the concrete next to her. Finn trailed behind, causing her to flip the diary closed and shove it into the backpack next to her feet. As she sat up, Rae was filled with dread Finn could read how much of him had consumed her thoughts in the past twelve hours. She offered weak smile, but his expression remained stoic behind the Ray Ban glasses perched on his nose. He sat on the other side of Archie, only casting a fleeting glance at Rae.  _Great. Such a prick._  She nodded to herself, the obvious chasm between Finn’s warmth in her dream to his chilly disposition today making him seem like a stranger. Moments later, Izzy and Chop joined, sitting in front of them. Friendly banter followed, filling the remaining time before the game. Rae watched the team and coaches slowly scatter onto the field.   _Mr. Carrisford._ She forced herself to refocus on fantasizing about their P.E. teacher in an attempt to ignore Finn. His voice occasionally interrupted her as the gang joked.

_Intensely irritating._

A player hit the ball, causing several cheers from the crowd. The commotion pulled Rae’s focus from the far side of the field back to the gang. "Being back at school on the summer holidays is just wrong, isn’t it?"


End file.
